Ushinawareta To Hakken (Lost and Found)
by DementedPigeon
Summary: The one person Sunao Fujimori has always been able to depend on is Ran. Even though his hatred of Sora Hashiba was eventually found to be unwarranted, how can they expect him to just let go of that hatred, and how can he let go of Ran, one who has never deserted him?


**Chapter One: Ushinawareta To Hakken (Lost and Found)**

**Summary: The one person Sunao Fujimori has always been able to depend on is Ran. Even though his hatred of Sora Hashiba was eventually found to be unwarranted, how can they expect him to just let go of that hatred, and how can he let go of Ran, one who has never deserted him?**

"It hurt. The things they did to me…after that time. I was a test subject…for their new drugs. Any drug, I was an experiment…their experiment. God it hurt. Needles…sometimes not even that…they'd just push it in me. Or make me swallow dry. I was a way to vent their frustrations. Sometimes they beat me…sometimes…sometimes before they did anything I'd be forced to dress up. It was so humiliating…I looked like a girl, so I could dress like one they said. Then when they…did that…if I bled they'd beat me more. If I cried out they'd choke me, if I did anything…I was a hole to them. That's what they said, that's what they made me say…I had to say it sometimes…say it over and over again…that I was nothing but a hole. A dirty hole, not worth anything…faceless toy…all I was good for was for f…fucking…" A shaky breath echoed in the warm room, the blinds down over the window preventing the sun from interrupting his focus. "Then they'd send me back. Crawling or…they'd drag me if I couldn't…god it was cold. No glass in the window…just bars…high up and I couldn't reach them. I liked it when I go really cold though. I was so cold I felt warm…and I'd go numb…nothing would hurt…but then the images started…they just kept going round and round…playing over and over…he shook my hand off…it…it hurts…"

A dark haired, middle aged woman dressed in casual blue jeans and a white sweater looked up from the pad she was scribbling on at the silence from the prostrate boy on the plush red sofa. "Mr Fujimori?" She prodded gently, trying to catch his attention. "Mr Fujimori can you carry on?" She asked gently, watching as the eyes, once staring blankly at the white ceiling seemed to shift, the rare light pink eye colour suddenly appearing to darken to a dark pink bordering red colour. A small sigh left her as she realised that Nao Fujimori had slipped once again. "Ran?" She called lightly, starting slightly as cold eyes snapped sharply onto her and the boy sat up. She smiled at him nervously, "Do you want to pick up where we left off last week?"

The smile left her face as Ran turned himself and let his legs drop over the side. She quietly studied him as he stood up, crossed his arms and raised the blinds, letting in the sun and letting his sight roam over the empty road from the window. Silence stretched between them as she reflected on their session. Just like everytime, it started out with her, a professional mental health professional talking to her charge in a comfortable environment, his guardian's home where he had come to live on a more permanent basis after reverting to his alter-ego a few too many times in school and resulting in utter chaos, though at some point during her sessions, Sunao Fujimori became lost in his memories and started believing he was back in that place. Between them they managed to fall back into old habits, Ran taking over with his cold, sharp tongue pushing Nao into a safe corner of his mind, trying to keep him from his pain. When she took on Sunao Fujimori on an outpatient basis she never would have dreamed that she would have this many issues trying to get him to face what happened to him, of course it didn't help that Ran hated her with a passion.

Understanding that Fujimori had a deep connection with Sora Hashiba, another young man who had gone through similar traumas yet managed to escape and deal with his own issues, or working on it at the very least, she knew that this young man was very dependent on him, to the point of pushing him away. That in itself was a tragedy, a young man constantly tortured, belittled and broken, his fears used against him, he clung to the nearest person, terrified he would be abandoned again, though because of that terror he pushed people away, to the point where he could no longer cope with the smallest piece of affection. That inability to cope had been pushed onto Ran, pushing Ran to be independent except in the case of Sora Hashiba's no longer existent alter-ego Yoru. Fortunately Hashiba had been able to pull himself together and had been released from his reliance on Yoru. In fact he had done so well that he was managing with counselling twice a month.

Studying the boy at the window carefully she closed her pad. They weren't going to get any further today. Sometimes Ran needed to talk about Yoru, even though when he did it was as if Yoru had died, or the way he made it appear was that Hashiba had murdered his beloved. Following that logic, Ran had managed to convince himself that she was trying to make Sunao murder him, that he was being pushed away and made to disappear into oblivion. A memory hit her of one of the first times she had encountered Ran.

"_I won't let you! I won't let you make him kill me! Nao needs me, just as Yoru needed me. I won't let you! I'm needed too!"_

It made her heart break slightly at the desperate tone he had used, that he needed to be needed. Without knowing how, her one on one hour long session developed into two separate half hour sessions, the first with Fujimori, and the second with Ran. Two boys in one body, both hurting for the same, and yet entirely different reasons. She was here to slowly reduce Fujimori's dependency on his alter-ego, the aim to release him completely, and instead she had managed to gain two patients. Resigning herself to her fate, sometime during the last few weeks she had begun to write a thesis paper on the effects of counselling an alter-ego with the aim to remove him or her from the patients mind, of course as luck would have it around the same sort of time Ran had decided that he no longer wanted to talk to her.

"All right then Ran." She stood up slowly, "I should be going, the hour is almost up anyway. I'll see you next week." There was no reply as she picked up her bag and placed it on the chair before beginning to put her things into it, her back to him the whole time. It was one thing the child could accept, if someone's back was to him he was invisible, it always seemed to calm him. Slipping on her coat she looked back over to him, disappointed that he hadn't moved even an inch from his position. "Good bye." She called gently, crossing over to the door and opening it. Looking back she was pleased to see by his reflection that he was at least watching her. Waving slightly she left the room, closing the door behind her, only to come face to face with a concerned looking Shinichirou Minato.

"Mr Minato." She greeted warmly, "Would you come with me into the main room please?" She didn't want Ran to overhear their conversation in the hallway outside his door. Barely waiting for an answer she carried on down the hallway, bag over her shoulder. Soft footfalls behind her alerted her that he was following.

"Ah Doctor Shino, how is he?" A petite brown haired man came out of the kitchen with a white apron adorning his body and a dishtowel in his hand. The way Nanami looked; if she hadn't known him for more than five years she would have thought he was a woman! She took a good long hard look at Nanami before scrutinising Shinichirou. Even if she wasn't a professional she would be able to see the deep worry lines and slight bags under both of their eyes. She had heard of her patient's activities, how he often ran off for hours, sometimes a few days at a time. Each time he would come back he refused to divulge where he had gone, and he seemed to retreat into himself all the more for his escapades. Sometimes she wondered who was the dominant being in that body, Sunao or Ran.

Smiling sympathetically she shook her head sadly, "He's not." She sighed, watching as the hopeful look on her friends face dropped, "Nanami, I need to be frank. If we are unable to bring Mr Fujimori into a stable state we are looking at an inpatient basis."

"Impossible." Shinichirou snapped, "He spent most of his life in that place, being forced into a hospital will split him even more!"

"Mr Minato, I understand your concerns, I myself do not want to commit Mr Fujimori to a long term psychiatric ward, however I am finding myself less and less confident as the weeks go on that I won't lose him. Ran is getting to be an almost constant state for him, you must agree that this is not healthy. These disappearances also seem to be stemmed by Ran. At the moment finding him in a controlled state is getting harder!" A slight sob from Nanami stilled her, Shinichirou striding past her to put his arms around his partner, lowering him to sit on one of their sofas. "You must understand…" She began again, "Sunao is falling deeper and deeper into his own mind…that's his safe haven because he doesn't want to deal with the here and now. He has pulled away from his friends, in my honest opinion, the more time I spend with him…the more I feel he's disappearing."

Nanami shook his head, "No…no…don't say that. We can't lose him…not again. I can't abandon him. What can we do?" His eyes were pleading, begging with her to tell him how to ground his young charge.

Shinichirou turned his hard gaze to face the doctor, an arm around Nanami's shoulders, offering a source of strength and comfort. "The only thing you can do…look after him, be supportive and be there for him." Dr Shino came over and placed her hand on Nanami's head, ignoring the low possessive growl from the right. "Nao is afraid at the moment; I don't know of what because everytime I make some leeway, I end up facing Ran…but it's because I face Ran that I know he's trying to protect himself. Patience is key here, but it's finding the right balance. I'll be back next week." She took out a bottle from her pocket and handed it to Shinichirou, this is his new medication I spoke to you about last week, make sure he takes it twice daily." With that she bowed and headed out the apartment, passing a blue haired boy on the way out.

**First story written, how is it so far? Here's hoping people like it!**


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